Machismo!

You hear about it, but you don't really know until you experience it.

Machismo, or machoism, is a word of Spanish and Portuguese origin that describes prominently exhibited or excessive masculinity.^[1] As an attitude, machismo ranges from a personal sense of virility to a more extreme male chauvinism. Characteristics include domineering, fierceness, bravado, etc., in ways that are showily and histrionically tough. 

-Wikipedia

Yes, it does exist, with some caveats.  I've been exploring more and more concepts about victimization, that is, how much someone is prone to letting things outside themselves affect how they perceive their self-worth and place in the world.  I know I'm bound to ruffle some feathers here, but hear me out. 

Machismo is a product of traditional thinking that, in my opinion, extends from the immense responsibility that is on the shoulders of the male figure in the family to ensure the survival of his family, monetarily speaking.  I'm not trying to excuse chauvinism, just to say that it's not completely baseless.  Look at the animal kingdom: male displays of bravado permeate everywhere!

Yep, they're everywhere.  And we can't negate the evolutionary influence that this might have on human behavior.  "BUT" you say, "WE'RE ABOVE these animals, we possess the ability to reason".  You're right! But I think that you'll find that the closer that a society is to subsistence level-- that is, if people in a society are closer to surviving than thriving--  the more OVERT this instinct.  In so-called "first world" countries, males are trained that over displays of chauvinism are taboo. 

This shifts from one type of chauvinism to another, from machismo to the objectification of women:

Objectification Theory is based on the principle that girls and women develop their primary view of their physical selves from observations of others. These observations can take place in the media or through personal experience... Women and girls develop an expected physical appearance for themselves, based on observations of others; and are aware that others are likely to observe as well. The sexual objectification and self objectification of women is believed to influence social gender roles and inequalities between the sexes.^[45]

-Wikipedia

Neither machismo nor the sexual objectification of women are GOOD things, and one does not excuse the other.  That being said, any time I hear the argument that Mexico is a society marked by machismo, I immediately think about how that criticism is very likely coming from someone from a society where objectification of women is the norm.

These are realities across the globe.  Until this changes, then, I can only do my best to personally not become a victim:

One of the biggest reasons people become a victim is because they feel what happened to them can only be used for negativity. You only become a victim if you let the incident take control of your life. So let go of the negative feelings about what happened and find a way to use it as an advantage.

- Source

Cleaning up the friends list

I'm probably going to keep this post short, mostly because I'm exhausted and REALLY need to get to sleep.

I cleaned out my Facebook friends list today, and it definitely felt like a weight off my shoulders.  With everything that happened to us, there were a lot of people- too many- that remained remarkably silent.  No calls, no texts, not even a "hey, we're thinking about you" Facebook post.  *sigh* Good riddance, I guess!  It takes going through something difficult to realize who really cares and who doesn't.  It's a new day, and my friends list is half of what it was.


In other news, I'm looking at books on emotional blackmail and similar topics to download on my Kindle.  I really need to think about ways that I can get over this hurdle.

Blah.  Sorry for the sucky post.  I'm really tired and it's time for me to go to bed!  I'll think of something more interesting to write about tomorrow.

For now, I'll leave you with a cute picture of baby I from Easter 2010. :-)

Frijol con puerco, and other musings

Tonight we're having one of M's favorite Yucatecan dishes, frijol con puerco.  Luckily for us, the ingredients are not hard to come by.  And luckily for us, it's not a very complicated dish.

You see, I'm not a great cook.  So much time in Yucatan, and I didn't pay a lick of attention to how the hubs's favorite dishes are made.  It's a travesty!  Some of the most aaaahmazing dishes (or as they say, "gastronomic delights"-- the word "gastronomic" kind of gives me the willies, but anyway) come from Yucatan, including my favorite, cochinita pibil.

Generally speaking, most housewives in Yucatan (I can't speak for the rest of Mexico, so someone else can chime in here) have a repertoire of recipes that they make in a week.  Mondays are for frijol con puerco.  Since we moved a bit closer to Pittsburgh, we're pretty close to a decent tienda Mexicana, Las Palmas. Last night the hubs made a trip and bought a half a pound of carne al pastor, which is pork marinated in chiles and achiote.  Yeah, I pretty much ate the whole half pound.  Yum!

One of my very favorite dishes is queso relleno, but I don't think it's specifically from Yucatan, though I may be wrong.  I've only had it twice, and I crave it!

Back to cochinita pibil: while I don't advocate shooting a chef that does an amazing job cooking cochinita (a la Johnny Depp in "Once Upon a Time in Mexico"), I have to say that the verrrry best cochinita I've ever had was in my husband's town, made by Don Pichi of the Restaurante El Farolito.  If you're ever passing through Buctzotz, Yucatan on a Sunday morning, it's a MUST HAVE!

Don Pichi, working at his restaurant, El Farolito

Since I love food, I'm sure I'll be writing plenty of more posts on wonderful Mexican food.

Emotional blackmail: A primer

I'm a wimp.  I pushover.  A scaredy-cat.

I'm also a people-pleaser.

I didn't realize what emotional blackmail was until I started doing a little bit of research into what I consider overblown guilt-trips that are absolutely crippling to people like me.  I'm scared of making decisions for fear of the emotional repercussions that certain people close to me are very good at dishing out.

"Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten, either directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don’t do what they want.” 

- Dr. Susan Forward, Emotional Blackmail 

I admire people who can fearlessly make decisions and not care too much about what other people think.  I'm not talking about people who purposefully make decisions with the intent of hurting someone else, but those who can take charge of their lives and decide what's best for themselves and their families.  For those who are unfamiliar with this concept, here's a little taste of emotional blackmail:

These are pretty humorous- and extreme- examples of a serious and debilitating problem.  Wikipedia has a great summary of how this manipulative technique is used:

Knowing that the victim wants love, approval or confirmation of identity, blackmailers may threaten to withhold them or take them away altogether, or make the victim feel they must earn them: 'as the power of emotional blackmail indicates, self-identity is inevitably affected by...the "reaction" of the other', as is self-esteem. If the victim believes the blackmailer, he/she could fall into a pattern of letting the blackmailer control his/her decisions and behavior - 'caught in a sort of psychological fog'.

-Wikipedia- Emotional Blackmail 

In a word (or two), it sucks!  Pretty much most of my adult life has been driven by the fear of how this person will react if I make a decision that they don't agree with.  There's a whole boatload of problems that come with it, as well, including passive-aggressive behavior ("NOTHING'S WRONG," they scream.)  and  pretty much the whole gamut of blackmailing emotions, which are the opposite of supportive.  It's bad when, as an adult, you have to get up the courage to live your life the way you see fit.

So what the hell does this have to do with Mexico?  Well, my decision to live in Mexico came at a great personal cost.  Because the person didn't agree with my decision to move, we had a very rocky (and for a while zero) relationship while I lived there.   Hit "repeat" for when I moved to South Carolina, and any other time I made a decision that wasn't what they would make or otherwise didn't agree with.  Every day that I think about moving back to Mexico, I have to remind myself to be strong.  My family is not tight-knit.  My brothers didn't speak to me for practically the whole time I lived in Mexico.  That's hard for me to come to grips with.  And now that I'm here in the states, I can't say that these relationships have improved significantly.  So... time to move on and live my life.