Emotional blackmail: A primer

I'm a wimp.  I pushover.  A scaredy-cat.

I'm also a people-pleaser.

I didn't realize what emotional blackmail was until I started doing a little bit of research into what I consider overblown guilt-trips that are absolutely crippling to people like me.  I'm scared of making decisions for fear of the emotional repercussions that certain people close to me are very good at dishing out.

"Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten, either directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don’t do what they want.” 

- Dr. Susan Forward, Emotional Blackmail 

I admire people who can fearlessly make decisions and not care too much about what other people think.  I'm not talking about people who purposefully make decisions with the intent of hurting someone else, but those who can take charge of their lives and decide what's best for themselves and their families.  For those who are unfamiliar with this concept, here's a little taste of emotional blackmail:

These are pretty humorous- and extreme- examples of a serious and debilitating problem.  Wikipedia has a great summary of how this manipulative technique is used:

Knowing that the victim wants love, approval or confirmation of identity, blackmailers may threaten to withhold them or take them away altogether, or make the victim feel they must earn them: 'as the power of emotional blackmail indicates, self-identity is inevitably affected by...the "reaction" of the other', as is self-esteem. If the victim believes the blackmailer, he/she could fall into a pattern of letting the blackmailer control his/her decisions and behavior - 'caught in a sort of psychological fog'.

-Wikipedia- Emotional Blackmail 

In a word (or two), it sucks!  Pretty much most of my adult life has been driven by the fear of how this person will react if I make a decision that they don't agree with.  There's a whole boatload of problems that come with it, as well, including passive-aggressive behavior ("NOTHING'S WRONG," they scream.)  and  pretty much the whole gamut of blackmailing emotions, which are the opposite of supportive.  It's bad when, as an adult, you have to get up the courage to live your life the way you see fit.

So what the hell does this have to do with Mexico?  Well, my decision to live in Mexico came at a great personal cost.  Because the person didn't agree with my decision to move, we had a very rocky (and for a while zero) relationship while I lived there.   Hit "repeat" for when I moved to South Carolina, and any other time I made a decision that wasn't what they would make or otherwise didn't agree with.  Every day that I think about moving back to Mexico, I have to remind myself to be strong.  My family is not tight-knit.  My brothers didn't speak to me for practically the whole time I lived in Mexico.  That's hard for me to come to grips with.  And now that I'm here in the states, I can't say that these relationships have improved significantly.  So... time to move on and live my life.